The misadventures of Elizabeth Swann
by NOIR Blitz
Summary: Elizabeth as a teen growing up on Port Royal in the modern world! Can anyone control her?
1. Chapter 1: Dreams in the Caribbean

This is my first POTC fan fic so feedback would be appreciated! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except Kristen and Bridget Marie. Everything else is the property of the Walt Disney Co. so please don't sue. You'll get nothing but some worn out POTC DVDs.

Young Elizabeth Swann, now 23, stood on the deck of the Black Pearl, watching the sea gently pitch up and down. She was bored. The crew, including Jack, were totally wasted. Bloody pirates, why can't they go one, just ONE sodding day without rum!? Even Will was knocked out! No problem, she thought. I'll just punch him in the face when he wakes up. Suddenly, she realized that would do no good. His face would be numb so he wouldn't feel the fist across his cheek. She'd hurt her hand more than his jaw. Damn. She sighed and plopped down on the bench next to the wheelhouse. Cotton was steering but she didn't feel like talking to his silly parrot even though it was safely caged. Yo ho ho, bottle of rum! Yo ho ho, bottle of rum! it squawked. She leaned back, feeling the warm sun on her face. Boredom came more easily these days since they had escaped the wrath of Inspector Cutler Beckett and the police. All the chores had been finished yesterday so this was basically a "rum day" as Jack called it. She gritted her teeth, not willing to give in to his infuriating habits. She let her eyes close slowly and drifted off into neverland.


	2. Chapter 2: Young Elizabeth

So sorry that I ended the first chapter abruptly but I felt that it was necessary since we're going back to her pre-teen days. These are all flashbacks from her POV. Please don't forget some feedback!

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters except Kristen and Bridget Marie. All others are the property of The Walt Disney Co. I am only borrowing them for the story.

Elizabeth wasn't really dreaming but remembering. She thought back to her days on Port Royal as a child. Her father, Weatherby Swann, was the governor at the time. She frequently gallivanted around the massive house, enjoying her free time by climbing the huge tree outside despite her father's protests. She spent the late evenings in her dollhouse, which was so huge that she could close it around her and pretend she was Alice after eating the cursed cookie that made her larger. She would pretend to be talking to the doorknob while holding a cookie she snitched from the chef when his back was turned. Although she had some friends, they were overseas. Bridget Marie's parents took her to Bermuda for vacation but she would eventually call to tell her how things were. Thank god for cell phones. Elizabeth's other friend Kristen, had gone to America to visit some relatives and wouldn't be back in Port Royal until the end of November. She sighed. That meant a whole month alone. She got bored easily and always thought about breaking free from the bonds of the governor's mansion. Now 10, she would run to the 3-car garage and grab her bicycle. Gov. Swann would be buried to his neck in paperwork by 2 p.m. so she was safe. She took the route leading to the abandoned docks. They were in poor state because of fear that pirates would use them for black market smuggling. That excited her. She had always read about them, watched movies about them and had especially enjoyed the ride at Disney World. She had stood in line to see it twice and never got bored of it. Stopping outside the docks, she got off her bike and walked along the splintered boards, seeing the blue ocean just 11 feet below. Elizabeth reached the end and looked across the low horizon. The warm air of the Caribbean entered her lungs. It felt clean and moist. She walked down the rotting stairs to the beach level. Kicking off her shoes, she walked in the water, letting it up to her ankles. It felt sooo good. Seeing the waves, she felt a grin crawl across her face.

Heh heh, sounds like her ruthless streak is starting to show. What will she do next? More to come!


	3. Chapter 3: The outside world

Gov. Swann burst from his chair. He groaned with disgust: he'd fallen asleep. That hadn't happened in a while. Apparently, the silly jurisdiction case had taken its toll on him. He looked at his watch: 5:50. Bugger. It was nearly time for dinner. He got up and stretched out, feeling the cramps in his legs pop loose. After struggling to his feet, he walked across the massive hallway to the kitchen. "Good afternoon, what's for dinner, Michael?" The chef smiled. "Oh, since you're having company over tonight, I thought shepherd's pie with some salmon and crabs would put them in a good mood." "Sounds great, Elizabeth will be hungry too." "Speaking of that, she is unusually quiet t-" Gov. Swann never let him finish for he was bolting out the door as if he'd seen a ghost. It was absolutely NEVER good news when Michael said the house was quiet. That meant only one thing: Elizabeth was up to no good. He cursed silently under his breath as he fumbled for his cell phone and punched her number. To his dismay, he heard a ringing sound coming from upstairs. Why, oh why couldn't she just be a normal girl and chat on her phone in her room? He thought that the cell phone would keep her company and out of trouble but nooo, Elizabeth preferred to actually get outside and explore the beaches around Port Royal. Fortunately, it had a small population and most of the locals knew her quite well. Unfortunately, tourist season was also in full swing, it being early December so the people from freezing parts of Europe would be pouring in like ants from a 100-foot tall hill. Elizabeth's penchant for adventure and her overwhelming curiosity would be the death of him one day! He ran to the garage. The Range Rover was still parked. Thank God Michael had remembered to hide the car keys or surely, there'd be a hole in the garage door. The Jaguar was also locked so she couldn't have gotten far as her bike was clearly the only mode of transportation missing. Thinking quickly, he grabbed the keys to the Rover and beat it to the first spot he could think of: the beach just across from the governor's mansion.

Elizabeth was furious that her "excursion" had been so rudely interrupted but her father would have none of it. She was dragged upstairs and tossed in her room. "And you will NOT be receiving any phone calls from Kristen or Bridget Marie for the weekend." She groaned and plopped down on the bed. This was going to be a boring winter vacation. She had pushed her father to the end last year and he, for once, really put his foot down. She was "sentenced" to two months summer school in the Bahamas. It turned out to be pure torture. She was sitting in her sharp white uniform next to a perfect, clean beach but couldn't even touch it. It was so close and yet, so far! Why oh why couldn't he let her friends take her somewhere? It wasn't like they were poor. In fact Kristen's parents had a Gulfstream jet and Bridget Marie's parents even bought her a Palm Pilot for her birthday. She reached under the mattress for the pirate book she'd ordered from the local bookstore. It fascinated her that pirates still existed in the modern world. She thought they'd all been arrested or died of disease and old age. No longer did they sail in ships but they used inflatable rubber motorboats. They didn't carry cutlasses but sawn-off shotguns and UZIs. They weren't looking for pieces of eight but pieces of computers and small electronics or fancy designer clothing being shipped from Europe to SE Asia – anything they could haul in their boats. She read half of a chapter before her father knocked on the door. He expected her to be on her best behavior because a man from the British Embassy would be visiting and he brought his wife and daughter with him. She was excited because this meant the possibility of another girl her age. She had overheard her father speaking on the phone with the embassy and he mentioned something about a daughter. She ran to the closet and got her white dress.


	4. Chapter 4: Meet the Norringtons

Hope you're still with me! Please, read and review!

Elizabeth, to her father's surprise, was already prepped and waiting by the foot of the stairs. He wondered if she somehow knew that James Norrington's daughter, Susan, was only a year older. He groaned and reached for his bottle of Midol, knocking back a tablet. Nine minutes later, a black BMW pulled into the driveway. The chauffeur opened the left door and the Norringtons stepped out. Elizabeth felt a massive grin spread over her face: Susan was about her age! "A pleasure to meet you Ambassador Norrington." "A pleasure too, Gov. Swann and this must be Elizabeth." She smiled and shook his hand but was interested in Susan, who was a bit shy, hiding slightly behind her parents. "Oh, don't be rude to your host's daughter," her mother responded. "Gov. Swann, Elizabeth, this is our daughter, Susan." She was gently pushed forwards. Susan had orangish blond hair cut short and large blue eyes with freckles on her face and wore a dress similar to Elizabeth's. She was about an inch taller but did possess that streak of curiosity that Elizabeth did. She knew they'd get along famously.

Everyone went inside. Dinner was, of course, excellent. Because his only major function left for the day was to host the ambassador's family, Elizabeth and Susan were forgotten. Gov. Swann had committed his second blunder of the day and didn't even realize it.

The two were upstairs in Elizabeth's room reading the book. "Wow, I can't believe this is all true," said Susan. "It has to be. The stuff can be found online. In fact, it was on the news. Last month, a cruise ship in the Bahamas was attacked. Fortunately, the coast guard scared them off but that proves that they still exist." Susan's eyes widened. "If they still exist, what is the chance there might still be buried treasure?" "I don't think so. I've read tons of books by David Cordingly. He doesn't make anything up. Even in the days of Blackbeard, they spent their money on drinking, whores and gambling so they never could hold onto the money for long." They felt adventurous and finally, Susan said: "Why not take a shovel or two and we'll see if there's any along the beach." "That'd be smashing!" she giggled. They got up and crept downstairs. Gov. Swann was enchanted by Norrington's stories of his days in the navy and his service in the Gulf War. Apparently, he had retired from the military several years ago and moved into embassy work because he was a bit of a workaholic. On the other hand, working at the embassy meant that he could spend more time with his family.

Because Elizabeth's father was distracted, the two girls were able to sneak out the back door. Michael, although sometimes a hawk, was too busy trying to fix the dishwasher for it had chosen today to act up. He figured it'd be easier to spend 45 minutes fixing it than spend two hours washing the dishes and 120 Pounds paying a repairman. This made it easier for the girls to slip by him.

Their excursion lasted only 12 minutes because Ambassador Norrington realized he'd left some papers in the car that he wanted to have her father sign and that's when he found out the two were missing. The Norringtons' visit was cut short and Elizabeth was dragged not to her room but her father's office, where, as punishment, she was to sit ramrod straight in the uncomfortable wooden guest chair while her father did his paperwork. If she squirmed, fidgeted or said even one word, he smacked her on the hand with a ruler. God, he could be almost as bad as her primary school teacher Mrs. Williams!

After tucking her in bed, Gov. Swann turned on the telly, hoping that he hadn't missed the latest episode of The Tudors. An ad caught his attention about a job search engine. What if there were governesses advertising their profession online? He booted up his laptop and searched furiously for a solid hour.

Uh oh. Now Elizabeth's wild ride is revving up! Let's see how hard she crashes! More to come! Please: feedback! Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5: Elizabeth vs Mrs Davies

Hope you're still with me. Please read and review!

The next morning the doorbell rang. Elizabeth beat her father to it. A proper-looking woman of about 30 with short brown hair and hazel eyes stood outside. She wore a perfectly cut gray suit and had a large handbag in her right hand. "Hello, I'm Amanda Davies. You must be Elizabeth. Is your father home?" Her father walked up immediately. "That would be me, Gov. Weatherby Swann. Thank you so much for coming Mrs. Davies." He ushered her into his office, taking care to close the door. Elizabeth wouldn't be defeated so easily. She lay flat on the floor so she could hear through the crack. Her eyes widened with total horror at the words leaking out: a private tutor!? Bloody hell! She felt her nerves rattle severely. They continued talking for a few more minutes. Suddenly, she heard a chair being pushed back. They had obviously finished negotiating and her father would be heading for the door any second. She jumped up and bolted for the staircase but it turned out to be in vain. Gov. Swann called out: "Elizabeth, come downstairs now." She reluctantly came down, deliberately taking her time. "Elizabeth, this is Mrs. Davies. She'll be taking care of your education starting today." Blimey, she thought. Even being locked up for a week in the Tower of London couldn't be worse than this! And so began Elizabeth Swann's days in purgatory.

Elizabeth was unaccustomed to routines of any kind or even – horrors! – scheduling. Mrs. Davies would put a large color-coded chart on the wall in the kitchen. The green bars were reserved for time off. The orange bars were reserved for chores. Elizabeth groaned with dismay at how much of the paper was orange. She was to be up immediately at 6:30 for breakfast. If she missed it, her punishment would be marmite on toast, which she HATED. She didn't know what was worse: the smell or the sticky, gagging taste. After breakfast, she was to have private tutoring. Apparently, Mrs. Davies had several degrees from some of the top universities in Europe, including Oxford. She was to study British history, math, grammatical skills, art and science. The first three courses would be followed by lunch. Then, she'd study science and art. After that, she was given homework and had until six to tackle it. Her failure to get any done would result in being given her dinner cold. After that, she'd be relegated to house chores and then, she'd have to go to sleep. All went well for a week but then, her tomboyish attitude was slowly creeping back to the forefront. She would keep skipping study sessions and sneak out with Susan. Thanks to the wonder of prepaid cell phones, they could stay in touch. Both girls bought one and used them to call each other so their parents would think that confiscating the standard ones would cut off their lines of communication. Elizabeth always made it back home before Mrs. Davies caught her, using the tree trunk to jump to her bedroom window. Three weeks later, her luck went sour. Apparently, Michael had a girlfriend and she had dropped by the house once or twice a week since her father always welcomed the company on weekends. As a result, she knew what Elizabeth looked like and saw her with Susan at the shopping mall. Their backup cell phones were confiscated along with the calling cards. Worse, their pocket money was also limited. They would still get allowances but it would be kept to a measly amount so that they could take a taxi home in case of dire emergencies but nothing more. Still, she had a backup plan: Susan sketched out a map of the embassy and gave it to her. She knew how to elude the ambassador and the place was lightly guarded most of the time.

As a teen, Elizabeth kept a diary, a habit she inherited from her late mother. She wrote in it as frequently as she could for it helped keep her nerves in check. She wasn't so much recording for posterity but also venting her frustrations. It was much healthier since she wouldn't be on the receiving end of that awful ruler.

July 7

Dear Diary,

Daddy still won't quit but I won't blame him a bit for I know he loves me and means quite well. The problem is he means a tad too well! Why doesn't he get it? I just wish I could go to a simple private or public school in London. That would be so wonderful: getting the soddin' homework done with help from my mates and then spending time with them in Piccadilly or SoHo at night. I wish at times like this that I could be pirate princess. I'd have my own ship and call it something nice like Aldebaran One or Encounter Bay. If only I could meet a real pirate.

Meanwhile, I've simply GOT to find a way out of this tutoring rubbish! I can't stand it any longer. If Daddy keeps it up, he'll have the dullest daughter in the Caribbean! Does he really want that? I've got to get rid of her somehow. I mean, she won't even let me play rugby! That's so bloody unfair and she even confiscated my rugby ball! At least she doesn't know about the other rugby ball in the attic. We've watched it a lot on the telly so we both know all the rules. It's tough trying to play with only two girls but a Scottish girl moved in just three weeks ago and she even has a twin sister! Maybe my luck hasn't gone totally sour. Still haven't gotten around to finding out the new bloke's name either. He's so handsome! Although his face is a bit thin, he has gorgeous eyes and I know he'd look like a real heartbreaker if he had a moustache. Bridget Marie thinks his name is Will but I'll have to find out myself.

Elizabeth's frustrations grew on Mrs. Davies. She would get to the point where she'd simply nod her head but refuse to reply verbally. Mrs. Davies couldn't stand this because she knew Elizabeth's "games" and tried to not lower herself to that level. She would simply giggle when answering a question about history such as when did the queen knight Sir Francis Drake. Knowing from the book that he was a pirate, she hummed the song "A pirate's life for me." "Stop this nonsense. Now, tell me, what was the name of the explorer who circumnavigated the globe before Drake?" "Um, a Capt. Jack Sparrow? Wasn't he the bloke who tried to attack a Royal Caribbean liner last month? I heard about it on the telly." Mrs. Davies stomped off. Elizabeth grinned hearing her snap at her father.

Soon, she upped the ante with pranks such as poking a tiny hole in the ink refills of her pens so they'd drip all over the pages when she tried to grade her homework. She sneaked salt into the sugar caddy in the kitchen after her father used it because he gave some to Mrs. Davies every morning. Mrs. Davies didn't give in, thinking she could ride out the storm but she was dealing with Elizabeth Swann, the girl who ought to have a hurricane named after her. Elizabeth was going to wipe out whatever lay in her path no matter how huge the obstacle. The tutoring continued for a month before Mrs. Davies finally broke down and quit in disgust. Gov. Swann apologized profusely and wrote her a glowing letter of recommendation before letting her walk out the door.

A/N: Was she cruel enough? Heh heh! Will appreciate any constructive criticism. Please leave some feedback as I don't feel like continuing this series.


	6. Chapter 6: Frau von Einzbern arrives

I'm still fighting writer's block. I'm not sure how many tutors Elizabeth will boot but now I'm thinking about taking the story in a slight detour soon. Please read and review!

Despite Mrs. Davies' hasty exist, Gov. Swann was unperturbed and searched for another tutor. This time, he took few chances and Elizabeth thought he had forgotten about the whole ordeal. The doorbell rang one morning. Elizabeth realized that she was beginning to dread that sound more than anything else. It could mean only one of several things: A. A new tutor; B. The local constable informing her father that a red-light camera caught her driving illegally around Port Royal; or C. Ambassador Norrington asking if her father had seen Elizabeth out with Susan _again_. She kept a list of people she feared and Ambassador Norrington was _rapidly_ reaching the top of that list. Just a few more weeks and he'd be there for sure. One Monday, the door opened and she heard a woman with some sort of German accent. Maybe it's just someone looking for Mr. Norrington, she thought. Her heart nearly stopped when she heard her father say those dreaded words: "Elizabeth, could you please come downstairs?" She entered the hallway, trying to not look like a deer caught in a car's headlights. She held her breath, sizing up the current competition. The new tutor, Desiree von Einzbern, from Zurich, was about 5'10" and had short brown hair and blue eyes with a sharp nose. She, unfortunately, possessed that no-nonsense air of authority that Elizabeth felt characterized some Germans. To her dismay, Mrs. von Einzbern spoke absolutely perfect English despite her Swiss-German accent. This meant complaining that "I can't understand a bloody thing" wouldn't work with her father. "Um, I'm Elizabeth. Pleased to make your acquaintance." "I am Mrs. von Einzbern. I will be your new tutor." The voice was dry and severe. God, thought Elizabeth, if the Germans or Swiss needed anything, it was a sense of humor.

Frau von Einzbern was worse than Mrs. Davies; FAR worse. She showed no mercy. Elizabeth realized she had been jammed hard into a corner. If she defied her, the punishment was being confined to a closet for half an hour. If she did poorly or showed lack of interest in a subject or her homework, she was forced to either write a short report based on what she DID learn or write a long, ponderous sentence over and over until she filled 10 pages. It was always something along the lines of "I, Elizabeth Swann, fully understand that, as a governor's daughter, a complete education is vital in order for me to prepare for the challenges that await me later in life." Blimey, no wonder she felt even more compelled to fight back. And worst of all, she was expected to dress appropriately. In other words, no hot pink jogging suits or tartan skirts with a tight T-shirt and suspenders. She had to wear an ironed white shirt and gray ruffled skirt or something more fitting for church services instead of at home! Elizabeth realized she had shot herself in the foot. If she hadn't gone so far with Mrs. Davies, she could have enjoyed the liberty of casual day every time she was "in class." Now, she felt as if she was a puppet and Frau von Einzbern was pulling the strings on her arms. After only five days, she could stand no more. She plotted to give her the boot too.

She sat in her dollhouse with a flashlight and wrote in her diary:

Dear diary: yesterday was the most bloody awful ever! I can't believe that woman! It's like having a meter-long ruler over my head! If I slip up even the tiniest, she'll whack me with it. The horrible woman is worse than a sodding dictator! I'll have to think of something quickly. Maybe I'll slip something into her morning tea. I could grind up the anti-gas pills daddy keeps in the medicine cabinet and mix it with the cream. Will just have to remember to avoid using the cream pitcher and make sure it's less than half full so daddy doesn't suspect a thing.

The following morning went without much of a hitch. She sat at her desk while Frau von Einzbern lectured her on British history. Grudgingly, Elizabeth had to give her credit: she knew more about the British/Spanish wars than the others. "And remember that it was unofficial. Neither government had really made a formal declaration of war. The Spanish were defeated at the Battle of Cadiz in 1587 and it was followed by another defeat in 1588." Great, thought Elizabeth: her head felt like a 2-ton brick and the world was getting hazy. "And just around the year 1600, there was a major battle at Brittany but neither side won that one…" Clunk. Elizabeth's head landed on the desk. Frau von Einzbern wasn't going to be defeated easily. She whacked her on the head with the ruler. No response. She thought about checking her pulse. It was okay but she wasn't breathing! She ran to get Gov. Swann.

Elizabeth creaked open one eye. The dictator was nowhere to be seen and she knew her father had left the house to run an important errand so she would be able to get out the door. She got up and tiptoed to the main hallway. Just a few more feet and freedom! She halted, the woman was standing next to the door! She had a backup plan: she would make her think she was headed for the back door and would beat her to the garage door and she'd be home free! She ran down the hall, making sure her clicking heels could be heard in the hallway. Surely, she heard Frau von Einzbern running for the back door. She took her shoes off and ran in the opposite direction. Because the hallway split in the middle to encircle the massive light-up globe, she was able to sneak past by crouching as the woman ran around the opposite side. Elizabeth giggled silently as she made it to the door. She opened it and collided with something. She was about to scream when a hand clapped over her mouth. "Shh. It's me." She was overjoyed to see that it was Susan.

They ran to the other side of the street where the sand dunes dropped about five feet. The staked fence was the perfect cover as they ducked low and ran to the left. Susan had snitched her father's Mercedes and parked it near the dock. They got in and drove to the loading bay. The ferry to Bermuda would leave in about 2 minutes so they'd be home free. And then, her luck went sour again. Why, oh why did the copper directing the traffic have to be the same one who busted her for driving without a license? He recognized her and immediately ordered Susan to pull over. At that same moment, Amb. Norrington's car drove by; Susan recognized the license plate. The driver slammed on the brakes and made a U-turn. Elizabeth felt her stomach burning up. Surely, she'd be tossed in a cell by now. It was the THIRD offense for Susan. The limousine stopped behind them. Bloody hell, this can't possibly get any worse, she thought. The instant the car stopped, Amb. Norrington opened the door and marched up to the passenger side door. Elizabeth was terrified because he never yelled. He always spoke in a calm, level voice, as if he were ABOUT to explode any second. She hated the ominous tone he used more than if he had actually yelled at her. "Well, Miss Elizabeth. It seems you and my daughter had some "extracurricular activities" planned today. May I ask how she knew the opportune moment to drop by the house?" The officer ordered Susan to step out of the car and that's when he saw it all: the new prepaid cell phone on the car seat. Inwardly, Elizabeth cursed, wishing her friend hadn't gotten sloppy. "If you would please, Miss Elizabeth." He held out his hand. She sighed loudly and handed over the cell phone without looking him in the eyes. "And yours too. I'll give it to your father." She reached into her purse and added her own cell phone to the confiscated goods. He glared at his daughter and nodded in the direction of the limousine. "I trust that you won't give the officer any trouble when he escorts you home?" She nodded. "Thank you. Have a good day Miss Elizabeth." He climbed behind the wheel and motioned for his chauffeur to follow him home.

Sorry I ended it here. I originally wanted to keep running it a bit longer but ran into writer's block. Can't figure out where to take Elizabeth and Susan from here. Suggestions would be appreciated. Please provide feedback as I don't feel as interested in continuing this as I expected.


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